Would you please just not talk to me?

So there I was minding my own business at my local premium market shopping for dinner and a few other items. Finding myself in the snack aisle I begin to peruse the tortilla chip section weighing my options between a standard Tostito branded chip or a bag of those organic and ridiculously overpriced chips.

It is then that I sense his presence.

"Mrhmpf-hello-mrpmft" he "says".

Choosing to ignore him because of my newly implemented "I don't talk to people who don't know how to communicate" policy (though that's for another post) I continue my search for salty snacks. An awkward few seconds go by and I hear it again—this time in a marginally more clear fashion:

"Heythereareyouenjoyingthisweathermrphthf?" says this guy continuing to speak entirely too softly and quickly.

Turning around I see a man in his early-thirties wearing—as expected—an almost embarrassingly phoney grin. Already knowing where this conversation is headed I decide to just bite the bullet and get it over with.

"Yeah, I don't mind it. I like snow" I say.

"Oh hey yeah that's interesting, so what do you do?" says phoney grin guy, thankfully raising his voice to an audible level and slowing down his cadence considerably.

"Um, well I work at a graphic design firm and at a retail store" I reply, more painfully stilted and inane conversation goes on for what seems like many, many hours and then almost on cue I get this:

"Oh that's great, hey you know this may seem like a shot in the dark but I'm putting together a marketing team and you seem like someone who'd be perfect for us. Is that something that would interest you?"

Oh thank the Lord—finally an out!

"No, I'm actually pretty busy right now."

"Ohokayhaveanicenight" weird guy says returning to his impossibly quiet vocal inflection.

So there you have it. What I thought to be a pleasant trip to a quality grocer turns into a evening of Orwellian terror. I just want my tortilla chips and my dignity—not made the target of recruitment for some cult of marketing drones.

This could be viewed as some weird isolated incident except that it has happened before! In the last few months and while I was working at the Job We Shall Not Speak Of!

We've all learned to live with telemarketing and being offered various services and opportunities in stores but come on! Is approaching random people in a grocery store and engaging them in awkward conversations really the best way to grow your business?

With that said visit me at work sometime and we can talk about this.

Also while you are there you might be interested in a service we offer our customers...

The non-weekend weekend

And so begins my 4-day extended weekend marathon spectacular at the Job We Shall Not Speak Of.

After closing the shop tonight I still have tomorrow to look forward to (4 to close), Sunday (12-5:30) and to top the whole thing off Monday (5:30 to close). I'm not really complaining since I enjoy the work and I brought it upon myself by agreeing to cover somebody's shifts for them.

Indeed there shall be no respite to the madness other than helping Jables with the big move and watching my Family Ties DVD's. What a life I lead.

P.S. After a much longer wait than initially hoped for I think I've settled on a new church to regularly attend. I will speak more of this later but I am pleased to report it involves no deeply moving tortillas.

Exclusive excluders

From Brian D. MacLaren's wildly successful The Secret Message of Jesus:

“…to be truly inclusive the kingdom must exclude exclusive people, to be truly reconciling, the kingdom must not reconcile with those who refuse reconciliation…the kingdom of God is open to all, except those who want to ruin it by dividing it against itself.”

In our enlightened postmodern era where the spirit of love and community have final authority and not the Scriptures, I'm curious as to who makes the call to "exclude exclusive people." In this case I guess it would be Brian.

File under: What the hell (if it exists)?

First go here and watch the video entitled "Year in Review 2005".

Finished?

Okay, am I nuts or were there two really quick, blink-or-you'll-miss em' clips of Bill Clinton at the end of that video? I don't go to the "Upper Room" so obviously I have no idea the context of Clinton being in there but it's still kind of odd. Since seemingly 99.74% of Twin Cities evangelical adults aged 18-32 attend the "Upper Room" maybe one them could stumble onto this blog and fill me in? Did Bill Clinton give a sermon at your church or something?

J.R.

"It's good to know who hates you, and it's good
to be hated by the right people".
-Johnny Cash

On our forthcoming Global Warming/-20 below cold snap

At 8:45 a.m. yesterday, Mets shortstop Jose Reyes sat shivering on a sidewalk in Greenwich Village. Next to him was Twins starting pitcher Johan Santana, who was grilling a hamburger. It was about 20 degrees outside, and the wind chill made it seem like the low teens. So what were Reyes and Santana doing there?
Along with five other players — Minnesota’s Justin Morneau, Detroit’s Justin Verlander, Boston’s Jonathan Papelbon, St. Louis’s David Eckstein and the Yankees’ Robinson Canó — they were filming a commercial for new baseball caps under the direction of Spike Lee. The hats, manufactured by New Era, are designed to absorb sweat more efficiently, and they have a new black underside to the bill intended to reduce glare. Over and over, from 7 a.m. till noon, the players filmed the ad with 10-minute breaks from the cold.

“I got an idea about how to stay warm,” said Morneau, the 2006 American League most valuable player, as he shuffled between the street and a dressing room at the back of the store. “I could find all the White Sox hats and light them on fire.”

Find some Derek Jeter jerseys while you're at it Justin.