How can we know?

"One can be biblically unfaithful by being much narrower than Scripture; one can be biblically unfaithful by being much broader than Scripture. Both sides call it faithfulness; both sides are seriously mistaken. How can we know? By returning to Scripture, again and again, and refusing to be uncomfortable with the categories that God himself has given us, but seeking to learn and digest and believe and obey the whole counsel of God, as far as we see it, without flinching, without faddishness."

—D.A. Carson

The church can go to hell

It's my turn to quote the Driscoll™:

"When your religion says 'whatever' on doctrinal matters, regards Jesus as just another wise teacher, refuses on principle to evangelize and lets you do pretty much what you want, it's a short step to deciding that one of the things you don't want to do is get up on Sunday morning and go to church."

This is taken from The Resurgence:

Note: Stuff in red is mine.

Ten easy steps to destroying a denomination (or church):

1. Have a low view of Scripture and, consequently, the deity of Jesus.

2. Deny that we were made male and female by God, equal but with distinct roles in the home and church.

3. Ordain liberal women in the name of tolerance and diversity.

4.Have those liberal women help to ordain gay men in the name of greater tolerance and diversity.

5. Accept the worship of other religions and their gods in the name of still greater tolerance and diversity. We're looking at you, McLaren.

6. Become so tolerant that you, in effect, become intolerant of people who love Jesus and read their Bible without scoffing and snickering. We're looking at you, Tonto Jay Silverheels.

7. End up with only a handful of people who are all the same kind of intolerant liberals in the name of tolerance and diversity.

8. Watch the Holy Spirit depart from your churches and take people who love Jesus with Him. I've been there...

9. Fail to repent but become more committed than ever to your sinful agenda.

10. See Jesus pull rank, judge you, and send some of your pastors to hell to be tormented by Him forever because He will no longer tolerate your diversity. That's mean, nasty and utterly hilarious and accurate.

Now you're playing with power

Remember The Wizard?

Released in 1989 it was basically a 90 minute long commercial for Nintendo products and was loved by 8 year olds the world over mainly for it's showcasing of the much anticipated Super Mario Brothers 3.

X-entertainment has a funny and nostalgic write-up on it here but I thought I'd point out everyone's favorite part. You can watch it right here. Pretty incredible acting.

Hey, you can't play Rad Racer with Power Glove!

"I love the power glove—it's so bad."

And as an added bonus check out this memorable scene. Bravo, Jenny Lewis, bravo!

My car sucks

The truth comes out about the 1994 Honda Accord LX.

It was never flashy or a speed demon (Honda's, unlike most cars, are measured by Ducks—with my vehicle being from the "LX" series it boasts an engine with a staggering 11 Duck power) but I didn't by it for it's dual overhead cams or Macpherson suspension systems. I bought it because it was an affordable and allegedly reliable vehicle. Now in the last 10 months alone I have spent nearly $2000 keeping this piece of crap running. That's $2000 dollars that could have gone to a years worth of car payments (and maybe given me enough credit finally nail down a mortage as well).

My first Honda kicked so much arse. For three years it ran beautifully needing nothing more than routine maitinence. Then, thanks to animal rights activists who feel there are not enough deer running around Apple Valley, my car went to car hell (also known as Detroit).

This newer Honda has been a wholly different animal.

Some repairs have been routine—breaks, tires, battery—I can handle that stuff. But $600 for a new "ignition cylinder"? That was last December. Then in February it was the "faulty ignitor." Now it's an allegedly "rotted out" radiator. That'll be $700. Whatever. Bleed me dry, crooks.

Smell like me

Derek Jeter now has his own fragrance. As if we needed more reasons to hate this guy here's a quote:

"I have been very involved with creating this fragrance—everything from the blend of scents to the design of the bottle and logo. I did have some help, however. Because women buy a large percentage of the men's grooming products sold in the U.S., I asked my mother Dot and sister Sharlee to be part of the project. I wanted to make sure the final product was something men would like to wear—and that women would want them to wear."

That's totally not a press release! That wasn't written by publicists or anything! It's a direct quote from Jeter I swear!

The fragrance is a blend of chilled grapefruit, clean oak moss and spice.

Derek Jeter is a blend of false entitlement, faux humility and a fawning neanderthal Yankee fan-base.