Church, Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Warning: Obtuse ramblings ahead! Please wear eye protection and drink plenty of fluids to prevent cramping!

As you may have noticed I have largely avoided the topic of church on my blog for the past couple of months. There are a few reasons for this, chief among them the fact that I recently left a church I was affiliated with for more than 10 years and have been ruminating and reflecting on that particular aspect of my Christian life with little desire to post my still fragmented thoughts on it. So as you might surmise church in general just isn't a topic I'm all fired up on right now. Maybe once I'm a safer distance away from things I'll lift my "blogging embargo" on the subject a little more. Right now though, we'll just have to accept it for the proverbial "elephant in the middle of the room" that it is.

If you are into labeling things you might call what I'm experiencing right now a sort of vague disillusionment with church systems and structures (my dad has alluded to this on his blog as well). This could be because of my own experience in leaving a church or I suppose it could be a totally seperate thing, but either way I think it's something I'm going to have to tackle head on, and sooner than later.

I guess what I'm craving more than ever now is Truth. And not a watered down, experiential, "re-imagined" truth either. I want true Truth and I'm sick of being told that because of this pursuit I'm either a) an uncommitted and disloyal Christian or b) that the pursuit isn't really even worth it because it's "not about being right or wrong" but about sharing in the "dreams of Jesus". There are probably other categories out there too but those are the two affecting me the most right now and they are both equally repugnant.

To be continued...

Images of tolerance, peace and love

I recently came across a wonderful website filled with nothing but stickers and posters demonstrating the well-known tolerance and understanding of American liberals. The compassion and un-selfishness of the left never ceases to astound me—and they are so beautifully designed too! Here is just a sampling:

Snakes on a Plane

You may have heard about this movie. I still think it's possible that the whole production could be an elaborate and extraordinarily well-orchestrated prank but if not, it seriously has potential to be the greatest thing ever put on a movie screen. I mean c'mon it's freaking snakes on a plane!

If you go here you can order an unofficial "Snakes on a Plane" t-shirt. I am considering purchasing one and you should to—I mean it's SNAKES ON A PLANE!!

I don't know about you but I can't wait to hear Samuel L. Jackson say things like: "We gotta get these mother#$%&*@ snakes of this mother#$%^&@# plane!"

P.S. Your eyes don't deceive you that is Keenan of "Keenan & Kel" fame in the above photo. Man this movie will be great. You just can't deny the timeless appeal of SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!!

The last two people left on the planet without blogs...

...just signed themselves up for Blogger. That's right everybody: my parents are now part of the blogging community. They have yet to post anything but check it out anyway:

Hip-Hop Co-Op (where Michael W. Smith is openly and lovingly celebrated).

and Inklings (where Po-Mo theory and liberal theology goes to die).

Dumb things said by whiney fan-boys

"A perfect example of how much better 'Star Wars' can be when Lucas takes his hands off the reins..." -some loser on "Ain't It Cool News" commenting on "The Empire Strikes Back"

The irony in that above statement should be obvious to anyone with more than 4 brain cells but at any rate I have to disagree. This and this are far better examples of what happens when George Lucas takes his hands of the Star Wars "reins." Not pretty at all.

New name

As some of you may recall last September I allowed you my faithful readers to choose a new name for my blog. You chose "Everybody Loves Dugan" which really isn't a good title and only proves once again that Democracy just doesn't work. I don't want to be one of those people who changes the name of their blog every other week but until such time as I can think of a better name I thought I'd take a cue from my fantasy baseball team (the Muckrakers) and rake some muck. Good night and Good Muck!

Go, Go Me!

Take the quiz:
Which Mighty Morphin Power Ranger are you?

White Ranger
You are the White Ranger, you are Tommy. Your weapon is the Saba. You are the tiger and the falcon.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

License plate

You know I could actually see this happening.

Winter Wonderland

Am I the only person that went to work today? You know for someone who takes crap for supposedly not working until noon I'd like to make the point that I don't wuss out because of a couple of flakes. You people make me sick.

This is just neat-o

Churchwide Suicide

McLaren gets arrested

I'm sorry Brian but making more people dependent on government welfare, and ultimately in your silly Utopian vision—universal healthcare, is not "freeing" them from anything. Nor is it true Christian compassion. Your time would be better spent with your church to aid and comfort (financially or otherwise) rather than lobbying for the government to dole out more from the public coffers. It's easy to give money away when it's not yours.

Creepy Pockets

In honor of Kirby here's the Top Ten he read on his "Late Show" appearance back in May 1997.

Top Ten Ways to Mispronounce Kirby Puckett

10. Kooby Pickett

9. Creepy Pockets

8. Bernie Crumpet

7. Turkey Bucket

6. Buddy Hackett

5. The Puckett Formerly Known as Kirby

4. Punky Brewster

3. Kent Hrbek

2. There once was a man from Nantucket who Kirbied his very own Puckett

1. Englepuck Kirbydink

Goodbye Puck, and thanks.

During the summers of 1992-1993 baseball was basically my life. I was way too terrified to actually play any organized sport so I lived vicariously through the Minnesota Twins.
Back then not very many games were televised so watching the Twins on friday nights was a pretty big deal. Getting to see Puck play was just icing on the cake.

Kirby wasn't my favorite player (that honor would go to Mr.Brian Harper) but you can be certain he was a close second. I guess it almost seemed too easy to declare Kirby my favorite—if that makes any sense. Still the 30 or so times I saw him play in the now hated Metrodome, you always had the feeling Kirby was going to do something special. A lot people point out that his power numbers aren't all that great and indeed they weren't. He only hit more than 30 home runs a couple of times but it seemed like the average season 25 or so he hit he made count. The homer in Game 6 of 1991 is an obvious example of that but in reality he had hits like that all the time—probably one every other game he was in.

A lot of people point out the troubles he had later in his life and that because of that he shouldn't be as glorified as he is. What a load of crap. There was nothing disengenuous about his love of baseball and his love of life. You can't fake that. He took a huge paycut to stay in Minnesota and remained a resident here until just a couple of years ago. He no doubt did some lousy things later but as a player in his prime there wasn't a better athlete or human being in the game. It didn't matter if the team was up 8 games in the standings or down 40. It didn't matter if the team was contending or rebuilding. It didn't matter if it was April or September—Kirby gave the game all he had.

I always hoped Puck might pull himself together and rejoin the Twins in some sort of advisory or coaching capacity. Even better it would have been great to see Pucket finish out his career here as DH with the "Get to Know Em'" Twins of 2001-2002. That would have been a great "Swan Song" for a great career—a proverbial passing of the baton if you will.

I'm sure the Twins will dedicate the 2006 season to Kirby. Let's see Torii lead like Puck did 15 years ago to a World Series title...

I think I'll move to Seattle

While the truth will be received by some as warmly as water on a cat, the stats bear out that churches with a high view of Scripture, a high view of Jesus, and an ongoing call for people to repent of personal sin and trust in Jesus tend to grow while their counterparts do not. Why? Because there is power in the gospel, and the church has no power when it walks away from the gospel. -Mark Driscoll

The legendary Crocodile Cafe', the birthplace of many great bands, an awesome ballpark and finally a lone but solid voice in the "emergent" church world—so why not?

Quote of the Day

“What did you tell me Simon? What did you tell me? Simon gave me advice and said on 'The X Factor' he always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon—finds the corn flake always finds the melon and one of you didn’t pick the right fortune.”
—Paula Abdul

Self-titled