Worldwide Suicide

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Prayers for the Assassin

I'm not big into "alternate universe" fiction but this looks like it might be an interesting, timely and maybe even insightful read:

Novelist Robert Ferrigno imagines the Islamic Republic of America in the year 2040

Strong words here but maybe not that far off:

"Muslims were the only people with a clear plan and a helping hand." If it's a choice between the defeatism and self-loathing of the Piss Christified West and a stern unyielding eternal Allah, maybe it's Islam that will prove the great seducer.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

WHAT?!
(click on the logo)

1994: The last great year for rock?

Here's 5 reasons why I think 1994 could very well have been the last great year for rock & roll music:



Vitalogy: Not Pearl Jam's best but it's got chart-toppers like "Betterman" and "Corduroy", great rockers like "Last Exit" and "Not For You" and even some underated gems like "Nothingman" and "Immortality."



Purple: This is easily STP's best and least pretentious album. Brendan O'Brians production on this thing is stellar and he really tightened up the sound from their more raw and spacey sounding debut "Core". Lot's of great stuff on here: "Vasoline", "Big Empty" and of course "Interstate Love Song" which is, to this day, horribly overplayed on just about every radio station but somehow I'm still not sick of it.



Throwing Copper: What happens when you combined REM, U2 and Pearl Jam? A band made up of entirely of annoying activist frontmen? No! You get Live's "Throwing Copper." Though it's actually not my favorite album of theirs it's undoubtedly Live's most popular record. "Selling the Drama", "Lightning Crashes", "I Alone" and "All Over You"—all the great mid-90's rock hits are here and they are all tuned down half a step making it really annoying for a 14 year old to play bass to. Thanks jerks!



Superunknown: This is Soundgarden at the top of their game. Pretty much their only two-mega hits ("Black Hole Sun" and "Spoonman") came off of this one though it's a very solid rock album all around. Matt Cameron is the best rock drummer in the last 20 years. This is also back when Chris Cornell could actually scream in tune. Now he sings in that Soundgarden/Rage Against the Machine monstrosity and it just doesn't work for me.



Hints, Allegations & Things Left Unsaid: Ahh yes, Collective Soul. This is the first actual rock album I ever purchased. Before this everything was Weird Al, Pac-Man Fever and the "Back to the Future" soundtrack. Now there's nothing wrong with Weird Al, Pac-Man or "Back to the Future" but I certainly couldn't go on in life with that being the extent of my musical selection. The only actual "hit" off this thing was "Shine" but I personally enjoy every track on it. It's essentially just a glorfied demo tape but for someone who was used to listening to "I Want a New Duck" it seemed like the biggest, loudest most rocking thing ever. Plus it was James Dobson approved so everybody wins.

Fun with online translators!

Use the Sherlock translator or an online translator such as World Lingo to translate these fun phrases into English. Or if you are too lazy for copying and pasting you can just highlight the area underneath each block of text. Enjoy!

Οι ελληνικοί άνθρωποι σας προσφέρουν τις σαλάτες Ελληνικά και τα νόστιμα γυροσκόπια. Πρέπει να μας αγαπήσετε!

The Greek persons to you offer the salads Greek and the tasty
gyroscopes. It should us you love!

Würden Sie uns bitte helfen, uns bei den Juden zu entschuldigen?

Would you help us please to excuse us with the Jews?

Bonjour soldats allemands ! Veuillez prendre nos pâtisseries et
femmes mais ne nuisez pas à nos corps sentants mal.

Hello German soldiers! Please take our pastry makings and women but do
not harm our badly smelling bodies.

Sì effettivamente! Come gli italiani noi vi offrono molte cose ricche
e meravigliose. Dai nostri pantaloni stretti della bicicletta. Ai
pattini dei nostri uomini fini. Non potete andare male con l'Italia.
Tranne l'uomo di Mussolini.

Yes effectively! As the Italians we offer many rich and wonderful
things to you. From our tight pants of the bicycle. To the ice-skates
of our fine men. You cannot go badly with Italy. Except the man of
Mussolini.

Droevig, kan ik u veel vertellen niet. Want ik een Nederlandse persoon
ben. (Onhandige stilte). Ik zal mijn grappige schoenen vinden. Dan
misschien kunnen wij één of andere Pannekooken krijgen?

Sadly, I cannot tell you much. Because I am a Dutch person. (Awkward
silence). I will find my funny shoes. Then perhaps we can get one or
other Pannekooken?

Order of Succession

Get your position here

Torii the White Sox Killer

This is awesome.

And Ben, this one's for you.

Get Along Home, Cindy

Thanks to Sparks from the Anvil for this one.

Happy Balentimes Day

I pity the fool who doesn't click on this link!

Why?

And now the opening of the 2nd seal is upon us. Only five to go.

Who's Who

Get to know your heretics!

An important public service to you my gentle readers

Chris Dugan's anti-spanking website

Please feel free to peruse my latest contribution to the world of the internet activism.

In particular check out my piece entitled "Did God make buttocks for spanking?"
If you ask me the answer is a resounding "No" but read the article for further explanation.
Consult a physician if you experience any cramping or dry-mouth.

Also of note is my "Ugly sounds of an actual spanking" page. It is as you might guess, a sound file of an actual spanking. The spankee is played by Jake Gyllenhaal. Listener discretion is advised.

And finally be sure to check out "Spacestation Mir and the Prospanking Paradigm" (based on an obscure 1930's sci-fi serial). In it I compare the archaic practice of slapping unruly children with the final destruction of the Russian Spacestation Mir. Yup, you guessed it: I'm completely insane. Here's an especially pertinent excerpt:

Yes, the Prospank Paradigm's firey re-entry, disintegration, and disappearance beneath the waves of History, are now only a matter of time.

God help us all

Young, hip, reverent

Everything was casual and creative. For instance, when praying for a Guatemalan community they support, worshipers patted their hands as if making tortillas. "It was really moving," Anderson said.

P.S. to Ben and Aeron: I totally think our next "feature film" needs to be a Christopher Guest style mockumentary of the Emergent movement. I'll start storyboarding right after I finish making my deeply moving tortillas.

I can hardly stand it!

Read this, and then try to tell me this film was nominated for a "Best Screenplay" Oscar based on the quality of the writing and not for political reasons. I dare you.

The end is nigh...

It could be all over

We now anxiously await the opening of the remaining six seals.

A couple of things

Well first there's this:

Evangelical Leaders Join Global Warming Initiative

Oh my, where to begin here. Is this really an issue the church needs to address? Especially since there is little evidence as to what actually causes "global warming" or—since we've only been keeping climate records since the late 1800's—if it even exists? Aren't there like 4500 other things that should be of a higher priority to the church than this? Or has the church in America now gone completely insane. I fear the latter.

I'm all for conservation and good stewardship of God's green earth, but Jesus didn't come to save the whales and the polar ice caps. If we lose sight of that we've lost sight of everything.

If that wasn't enlightening enough for you there's this:

King funeral turns political

This reminds me of that Wellstone funeral/rally that happened a few years ago. It's the latest thing for Democrats I guess—turning a memorial service into a chance to rip on the President (with the President sitting there mind you). What ever happened to tact? Is a funeral service really the place to be petitioning your greivances? Apparently it is if you are a senile peanut-farmer who got his 1-term Presidential arse handed to him in 1980.

Everyone likes Ducks

Go here for proof that even the geekiest among us still have a sense of humor about things.

And yes, I do enjoy reading the "Star Wars" databank if for no other reason than to distract myself from actual work.

Caption this®! I'm sorry for hurting you Pitman Edition

Caption this®! Apparently I'm a hypocrite edition