Insane Dream

I'll just come right out and say this.

Last night I dreamt I was Ashlee Simpsons boyfriend. It was a completely unexpected, crazy and unwanted thing and no nothing weird happened.

Basically the whole dream consisted of Ms. Simpson and I walking around a generic trendy uptown district and visiting the various bistros and boutiques therein. We seemed to be having some sort of conversation about how unhappy she was with her dad as her tour manager and how she wanted me take over his job. When I could finally get a word in edgewise I tried to calmly explain that the pressure of such a job wasn't for me and that I couldn't handle being out on the road 40 weeks a year. She was disappointed but seemed to love me just the same.

Then I woke up.

I can't say I was mad that the dream was over but I can't say I was glad it was over either.

Looky, looky...

U.S. Army 101st Airbone Division finds "large cache"

Working on a tip from an informant, soldiers from the 101st Airborne Division on Tuesday dug up more than a thousand aging rockets and missiles wrapped in plastic, some of which had been buried as recently as two weeks ago, Army officials said.

Still, the plastic around some of the rockets—of Soviet, German and French origins— appeared to be fresh and had not deteriorated as it had on some of the older munitions.

You know if I was one of those moonbat conspiracy theorists I'd find these two facts very interesting. Why are there German and French weapons being buried in Iraq as recently as a few weeks ago? As if we needed more evidence that France and Germany are very likely traitorous schmucks there it is.

I'd also like to point out the common miconception that what the U.S. (and the U.N. before them) were looking for in Iraq. No one was expecting to find comically oversized, "Looney Tunes" like rockets that say "Acme WMD" on the side. What we were looking for (and remember this started with the UN, Hans Blix and the Clinton administration primarily—not George W.) were WMD capabilities which actually were and are continuing to be found.
I know hollowed-concrete tubes, viles of toxins and bars of uranium aren't as exciting as finding a missle with Wile Coyote strapped to it but there you go.

Mel Gibson = Coolest guy ever

Click Here to watch the latest trailer from Mel Gibson.
Then laugh your butt off!

I may go to hell for this

"My Christmas Humps"

You know, that's either the most sacrilegious thing ever or it's a brilliant way of taking something horrible and dirty and making it worthy. Let's give it the benefit of the doubt and go with the latter.

The latest from Mr.Doug Kuklok...

From the back cover:

Critically acclaimed home improvement expert,
Doug Kuklok has done it again. In his new book, How I Remodeled My Entire House On My Lunchbreak, Doug shows us how with just 162 lunch breaks and a Home Depot® card you too can transform your drab house, townhouse, or even trailer into a dream palace. This truly is a must read.

Funny Foto® #6: Now it's Your Turn

Post your own caption in the comments section!

Funny Foto® #5: Bloodbath

Funny Foto® #4: Punk'd!

Funny Foto® #3: Say Cheese

Funny Foto® #2: Angry Baby

Funny Foto® #1: For Shame

Here's my first humorously manipulated photo of the day. Look for more of these to follow throughout the afternoon, each image reflecting my own off-beat or just plain weird sense of humor.

The worst movie review ever

I'm an incoherent moron!

Seriously. And believe it or not this guy is considered a "top critic" at RottenTomatoes.com. I think my dog could write a better movie review—and I don't even have a dog.

The move may suck, and I'll be the first to admit it if it does, but this dude doesn't know a) How to write a coherent sentence or b) Anything about anything.

The most idiotic part of that review is him complaining about the Professor's "What do they teach in school's these days?" line claiming that it's some sort of pandering to "Creationists." Uh, hello numnuts that line is taken verbatim from the original book. You know, the book which you claim to be so familiar with and capable of reading in under 90 minutes?

I also like when he complains that the "Jesus stuff" goes on too long and they should have just cut to the big battle scene. Then in the next paragraph he complains how there shouldn't be a big battle scene in the movie because it's not really portrayed that way in the book. Huh?

They should make me a top reviewer of crappy movie reviews at 43yearoldsingleoverweightguyswholiveintheirparentsbasementandcomplain
aboutmoviestheyllsee7timesintheatersandbuyondvdanyway.com

Mike Nelson is back!

Three brand new internet essays from the funniest guy ever!

My favorite is his post on censorship. That pretty much sums up
politically-correct corporate America.

(No that isn't a photo of Mike Nelson, it's dumb-hat wearing guy. Just trust me it will make sense if you click on the link).

All I need to know about "emergent"

"Conservative evangelicals and postconservative evangelicals are not so different that they cannot inhabit institutions and organizations together. But they are different, and their differences are in large part theological. Postconservative evangelicals believe that the conservatives’ privileging of the doctrine of biblical inerrancy is mistaken. Inerrancy is a data-centered approach to Scripture, whereas postconservatives practice a person-centered approach. In our view, the Bible is not a repository of facts, but rather a witness to a living person: the resurrected Jesus Christ."

What erroneous nonsense.

Laughably bad

I haven't actually seen the movie (nor do I plan to) but if you want to see a really horrible trailer check this out.

Mr.Bird and I watched this trailer the other night and snickered throughout. Everything from the ridiculous doe-eyed look on Jake "Ahhhhh! We can't get away from this guy!" Gyllenhaal's face to Heath Ledger making out with a denim shirt—file this one under "unintentionally funny."

And before you go all "You're a homophobe" on me I'll point out a couple of things:

a) Homophobe isn't a real word. Or at least it's not an accurate word for what it is commonly used to desribe. "Homo" means like or similar and "phobe" means one who is fearful. So by that definition it's someone who is afraid of someone just like them. I guess maybe that is an accurate description of me.

b) The movie just looks really really bad. I mean awful. "Swept Away" bad. "Mano's: The Hands of Fate" bad (okay, maybe not that bad). My point being that it has little to do with gayness. I guess it doesn't help that it's Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger hugging each other for 2 hours, but if it was, I dunno Katie Holmes clutching Sean William Scott's denim shirt to her bosom I'd be laughing just the same.