No surprises here...

You are a Social Conservative (36% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (73% permissive) You are best described as a: Republican Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

Is this even possible?

Coming soon to a theater near you!

I'm not exactly sure where they are going to go with this. Clearly the CGI graphics shouldn't be much of an issue at all considering the 4-bit single-screen blue maze that the hero occupies. Will Pac-Man be a wisecracking do-gooder engaging in slapstick shennangans? Or will the filmmakers take a more nuanced look at the inner conflict of the hero and the ghosts he must deal with on the inside?

I wish someone like Tarantino was directing. I'd pay good money to see Pac-Man unload clip after clip into Blinky and Pokey's ethereal backsides. Ms.Pac-Man would probably be a assassin femme-fatale working for a Pacland night club owner/gangster (played by Mr.Do!).

Pac Jr. could be played by Jake Gyllenhaal.

Next I want to see "Tetris: The Movie"—now that would be a real challenge.

The people have decided

Although this would be a good title for my blog, the consensus—as per my pollbox, is that I should be renamed "Everybody Loves Dugan."

This was nowhere near my personal first choice (I've always been partial to "DuganWorld: For All Your Grocery Needs" for some reason). However, unlike Michael Moore, Howard Dean and Al Gore I am willing to accept it when the people decide something.

The "Walker" Lever

Go here click on CLIP #4 and then prepare to laugh your butt off!

I'm a pompous moron

Is it just me or is nearly every "blogger" a cocky, pretentious twit? And I'm not even wholly excluding myself from that category. It seems like we have two basic camps now in the blogging world.

1) People who blog once or twice a month about what they had for dinner, their pets, etc.

2) People who want to pretend they are smarter than they really are by writing vague compositions on philosophical matters, uninformed news and political commentary and the like all under a guise of false humility and a phoney sense of populist obligation.

I mean look right there—I used the phrase "vague composition" and "populist obligation" so I'm certainly not immune. I guess it's all par for the course in the world of blogging. It seems to me that if you are truly so smart and wise Mr. Po-Mo Pastor/Philosophy major/Art student, you shouldn't really need the validation of the blogging community. I say just continue practicing your heresy/analytical B.S./abstract sculpture and leave us the heck alone.

And don't get me started on "Xangas" which, as far as I can tell are blogs for little girls.

Gourmet Cuisine

This last saturday I cleaned out a kitchen drawer where some renegade barbecue sauce packets had exploded. In the process, I was pleased to uncover one of these:

That's right, we have a hand operated blender, but the fun doesn't end there.

Last night Michael, Nathan and myself got a little carried away with the new appliance and concocted a brand-new entree: "Mikey, Nathan and Dugan's Old Tyme Potato Cakes." Here's how it went down.

First we simply frothed some 2% milk. Thinking our new treat might need some sweetner we added a fair amount of vanilla extract. Wanting to create a truly rich batter we added some all-purpose flour and some Betty Crocker potato flakes. Not sure if our new taste treat would be sweet enough we added some pure cane sugar. Then came the big dilemma—if we wanted a real cookable batter we'd need something to hold this ungodly mixture together. We scoured the fridge for eggs but to no avail. But hark! What about some mayonnaise? Mayo has egg in it right? We threw a dollop or two in and fired up the griddle.

The first potato cake came out like this:


Pretty interesting. It looks like some sort of crepe. Either a crepe or some sort of horrifying fungi from the forests of Satan. Two other cakes followed quickly and after putting each one on paper plate with a few drops of maple syrup Mike, Nate and I sat at the table to partake of our special meal.

Nate was the first to meet his doom. Here's the taste treat he had to look forward to:


And Here's Nathan cutting into his special mystery pastry:


And now the final verdict:


Yikes. "This tastes like a gym sock!" says Nathan.

Now it's Mikey's turn:


His looks marginally more edible. Okay maybe not, but if you put enough maple syrup on it even a gym sock might taste okay.

Here a shirtless Mikey prepares to enjoy his tasty cake:


Drumroll please...


Michael's reaction is more intellectual and spiritual than overtly physical. He looks pensively upward, his mind searching for the appropriate, intelligent reaction: "This really sucks" says Mikey's mind.

And now it's my turn. I stare down at the unsightly but comestible monstrosity before me. Mine is special, for hidden within is my own special addition: Craisins!


The plastic utensils go to work, my hands shaking with fear and anticipation:


And now, at long last, I sample my handiwork:


I cry out. The tears flow. Not just tears borne from the shock and disgust of something so sickening, but tears of joy, for I have conquered these demon cakes and have lived to tell the tale.

File Under: What the?

Holy crap.

I found an old "Cedar Avenue" website.

You could also go here.

Have fun looking at old goofy pictures of Ryan. There's even some shots of Lydia there for you Ben. Sadly the message board no longer works.

More from iFilm

iFilm (where I found that stupid Mike Myers/Kayne West video) is actually a pretty interesting website.

They've got a free MST3k short right here, which is good, and the hilarious new Green Day video Wake Me Up When September Ends, which is bad. Seriously, I have yet to find a music video more horrific than this (and that includes Rubber Johnny). What happens when you combined schlocky production values, anti-war claptrap, high-school drama-club level overacting, and really awful music? Well go here and find out—or go pick your eyes out with a rusty coat hanger for a similar experience.

George Bush doesn't care about black people (and if he gets his way there won't be any more bears)

More on the bears part later, but go here and click "Watch Now!"

The look on Mike Myers face is priceless. And Kayne West is extremely inarticulate (even for a rap star). As one blogger pointed out: "That was like watching a gradeschooler give a report based on things he heard from his ignorant father or something."

And as Mr.Stein pointed out, the last thing anyone can accuse the President of being is racist. There are more minorities in higher cabinet positions than ever before in U.S. history. Of course they serve under a Republican President so for the radical left that must not count.

Ben Stein is right again

Get Off His Back by Ben Stein

Ben is 100% right. Hurricane Katrina's destruction was an unprecedented catastrophe. We could have had years to prepare and it would have made little or no difference. Everyone complains about how slow the government, the president, etc. are in responding to this but it's really a ludicrous complaint. Considering the chaos and lawlessness that's going on down there it's remarkable anyone is getting helped at all and they are still just a week into it.
Besides it's not the federal governments job to be clothing, feeding and sheltering people. The National Guard would do better focusing on infrastructure, transportation and security and let the many great relief organizations (which do the best work anyway) take care of the rest.

I think Ben Stein should run for President in 2008. I'd vote for him. He's smart, humble, funny and there's just the whole cool factor of having the guy who said "Bueller? Bueller?" become President of the United States of America.

I Just Pooped Myself

Op-Ed by Tyler-James Jorgensen

All of us, at some point in our lives, do things we aren’t proud of. And sadly we all to often let these instances and related character flaws get the best of us, only serving to make us feel forlorn and depressed. Especially unfortunate is when we do things we aren’t proud of, yet are perfectly natural—but the fact remains:

I just pooped myself.

No, I’m not proud of this, but clearly I can’t be held completely responsible for the acts of defecation which have occurred recently in my pants (as recently, in fact, as a mere 7 minutes ago). I am young, I am impulsive and I can’t use the toilet. But how can I be responsible for using a commode when I can’t even walk yet? Am I to crawl into the bathroom, risking slipping and hurting myself on the wet tile floor?

Maybe in a perfect world, those of us who can’t control their bowel movements would just magically know when and where to release said bowels. Sadly, I know of very few 18 month-olds who can defecate to any regular schedule. Most of us are lucky to keep our fecal matter from running out of our diapers, much less depositing it on cue in a giant porcelain chair.

If only we could all be as flawless as those in the “Pro-Potty” crowd. Their powerful lobby continues to harass and berate us under a weak facade of helpfulness—bribing us with candy and trinkets or even going so far as to buy us special “potty seats” with which to train us into their fascist and unnatural ways.

But I say no! No to the potty people! What right have they to impose their anti-diaper agenda on us? We pants crappers are a noble race and we will not give in to their pleading and pandering! We need not be ashamed of the natural acts which chain us so! If I poop do I not bleed?

Oops, it happened again.

Back to school

I can sense it in the air. The days are getting shorter, the air is getting cooler and drier, and the sounds of mediocre marching bands are echoing off the gym, over to the Boston Market, bouncing off the PetsMart and finally settling in backyards and bike paths across the land.

Do I miss school? I'd like to say that I miss school. I think though, that if you were to take a flying DeLorean back to 1996 and ask me the same question I'd say "Miss school? Why?" So for the sake of temporal honesty I refuse to allow my wistful feelings and memories to distort reality.

Maybe I miss the challenge of school? Not just the academic challenge, which varied from insurmountable to rather unexacting, but there are the social challenges to be considered as well. For my 12 required years of education I found myself in just about every conceivable type of schooling situation—public, private, home, PSEO college. Each brought with it a new set of challenges and scenarios with which to adapt to. Sure, some things remained largely unchanged year to year, but many new things presented themselves seemingly every September (particularily in the latter years of high school).

As terrifying as new situations can be, there is a certain comfort in knowing that after school ends in June something new and scary is coming in 3 short months. Of course when you are actually of the schooling age it hardly seems a comfort, but say 4 or 5 years after you graduate you start to miss it. If you are 22-23 or soon to be you know or will come to know what I speak of. The mundane nature of the working world can start to get to you after a while and as comfortable as doing things routinely can be, you start to miss the fearful excitement and anticipation that a new school year inherently brings.

Heck, maybe this is even a significant part of why many adults return to school 10 or 15 years after they thought they were done. The smell of the books, the reams of fresh college-ruled paper and the fun of meeting and being around new people who share a common interest all beckon and call people back to a place they swore they were long since done with.

When you are still in school or of the schooling age you are in a sort of micro-reality. With such set and strict rules guiding your social life and education you are free to dream and pretend within that context. How many 16 year olds say their first car will be a Dodge Viper? Or a Ford F-350? Yeah right I say to them, you'll be driving a 1991 Accord in 3 years. But can you really blame the kids? With the pressures of "adult" life so close yet so far away one is free to dream of any possession, intellectual pursuit or vocation. Then suddenly after the fantasy ends and the realities of bills, food, and living rear there ugly but essential heads all the possibilities just go right out the window.

So is that what I miss? The freedom to dream big dreams? No, because that sounds forced and lame. Plus there's always the inherent risk of comparing the past to the present. The present by it's nature always seems less interesting and more difficult because one hasn't spent years upon years reflecting on it—how could you because it's happening right now and who has the time?.

So maybe I don't really miss anything, or maybe I miss something that was never very real to begin with.