These things that I know

Kevin the Robot
Originally uploaded by darthvedder81.

As I've mentioned previously, my noggin is chock full of utterly useless and unnecessary information. Sure there are some "facts", "philisophical tenets" and "good ideas" packed in there somewhere too (no doubt hiding behind my extensive knowledge of Denver the Last Dinosaur), but let's face it: I'm more adept at explaining the differences between GoBots and Transformers, than I'm explaining the differences between Calvinists and Armenians. Actually that's pretty easy—they are both wrong.

For instance I'm 100% positive that Screech from Saved by the Bell had a robot named Kevin. I know this for a fact. I feel like I've known this my whole life from birth until the present and I will probably know this until the day that I die. I can't give you a diatribe on the latter works of Shakespeare, but I know for certain that Screech had a robot named Kevin.

My knowledge of this cavalcade of cultural oddities extends even into the culinary arts. I don't know a great deal about cooking, or even the basic principles of farming or cattle raising. However I do know that Kool-Aid had a flavor called "Sharkleberry Fin" and it was the best dang Kool-Aid ever. They don't sell it anymore, and haven't for many, many years but I can tell you with the utmost certainty that "Sharkleberry Fin" did, in fact, exist and it was the best sugar water you could ever hope for.

What about politics? I can't tell you much about any of our U.S. Senators like Barak Obama, John McCain or Tom Delay. However I can give you the names and specific characteristics of a number of Senators from the Star Wars world like Orn Free Taa, Lott Dod, Aks Mo and Toonbuck Toora.

In the realm of science and technology my knowledge is also quite limited. I don't know much about circuitry, schmatics or wiring. One thing I do know though, is that Andy Kauffman's character Val in Heartbeeps often "Doesn't understand the meaning of this data."

So as you can see, I'm not technically inept! I know a great deal of things, it's just that very few of them are important or relevant. I should run for congress.

For more information on useless 80's pop culture see x-entertainment.

In the meantime

I realize I may have been too harsh in my last post. I just get upset when renegade supreme court justices effectively order the execution of handicapped people. Forgive me for my intolerance.

That said, I have a much lighter post brewing in my head which I hope to put up here in the next couple of days. In the meantime, why don't you entertain yourself with some Growing Pains fan fiction?

Der Fuhrer

Der Furher
Originally uploaded by darthvedder81.

Right here is the man responsible for blocking the subpeona that would have sent Terri Schiavo to Washington and made it illegal for anyone to interfere with that order.

Meet judge George Greer, he's a Florida supreme court justice, a family man, and he's also a dictating thug. He wasn't elected, yet he has the power to overrule a congressional decision, and if that doesn't tell you that there is something seriously wrong with our judicial system I don't know what would. Our courts have been legislating from the bench for far too long and I've had about enough of it. Quite frankly we'd probably be better off without any sort of supreme court than the pathetic system we have now.

So to sum this whole sordid affair up, it doesn't matter what millions of Americans think, or Terry Schiavo's family thinks, or even what congress orders—if Judge Greer wants someone to die they will die.

Waxman update #2

More Waxman
Originally uploaded by darthvedder81.

Click on the image to see today's Waxman update!

Things I'd like to recommend—but can't...

The album "Bloodsugarsexmagick" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers is one of the greatest musical recordings I've ever heard in my entire life. It's one of those albums where everything just fuses together and flows without dragging anywhere along the way. I'd absolutely love to tell everyone I know to go pick the thing up and be amazed by the musicianship and all around funkified awesomeness of RHCP's 1992 breakout. The trouble is that I simply can't. Why, you may ask? Because the album is incredibly filthy. Really filthy. Filthy lyrics, filthy artwork and filthy themes. Anthony Kiedis sings many, many dirty things. Things that would make sailors and stable-boys shudder.

I just hate that. I hate not being able to tell someone about something great, or play something I like for somebody because while large portions of it are wonderful, others are not-so-wonderful.

The same thing happened with the movie "Garden State". If it weren't for a completely unecessary and gratutious scene towards the end of the movie, I'd recommend it to everyone I know. But again, I can't in good conscience do that. Why? Why do people do that? Because of one dumb 12 second scene, Zach Braff, I can't recommend your movie to people without making a significant caveat.

So I can sort of recommend "Garden State" and can't really, despite it's merits musically, recommend the RHCP album as it's just too dirty. But man oh man can Chad Smith and Flea lay down a tight rhythm section.

Waxman Updates

Henry Waxman #1
Originally uploaded by darthvedder81.

Time for a new feature here at "News & Views"...

I give you "The Waxman Updates."

As you may or or may not know, Henry Waxman, the worthless US representative from the equally worthless state of California uses his website to show us what's he's "working on." I was under the impression our US representatives hadn't done any work since the Eisenhower administration (other than declaring infanticide a constitutional right).

Anyway, I thought I'd make it easier on all of you out there who are anxiously waiting to see what Rep. Waxman is working on next. I shall periodically post screen captures from his most informative website.

Just click the image on the right for a fascinating look at all of the wonderful and glorious things Henry Waxman is doing for our beleaguered nation.

Breaking News

Murder now officially legal in the United States

or

"Murder: It's not just for unwanted children anymore!"

P.S. That mousey little pantywaist Henry Waxman can lick me.

Mass Transit Hysteria

I hate mass transit. I hate the concept and design of it and I hate the philosophy that drives it. It isn't about "bringing more business downtown", or reducing traffic or even getting people where they need to go quickly (the Twin Cities light rail takes upwards of 50 minutes to get from one end of the line to the other).

Mass transit systems and the people that love them are all about controlling "urban sprawl" and the rich suburban WASP's they believe threaten their perceived enlightened and oh so cosmopolitan existence. Mass transit is just another way to force people to live more progressive and radically egalitarian lives. If the progressives have their say soon we'll all be shaving our heads, eating dirt and working at the government broom factory.

I have more personal and neurotic reasons for disliking mass transit as well. For I am the type of person that always needs to be ready to leave at moment's notice, and waiting 15 minutes for a train to show up doesn't fit into that equation. I can't handle not being in control of my transportation and I also don't like carpooling for this very reason—it has nothing to do with me wanting to drive my 5 MPG Explorer over PETA members on the way to the co-op. And besides, I drive a fuel efficient eco-friendly Honda Accord.

Click here for a great article by the funniest political humorist ever: PJ O'Rourke.

He gives mass transit a thorough ridiculing and even brings up serious points and statistics. I like his ideas for our own "Hiawatha" line— a couple of hairpin turns and loops might make me want to ride the silly thing. Might.

And we shall be called...

Well Aaron and I have come up with a name for our "band" (as in, the "band" who came up with "Micah Likes Monkeys".) We shall hereby be known as:

Tarquin Gotch

If you're wondering what or who "Tarquin Gotch" is check imdb.com...

We've also decided that Tarquin Gotch will be a completely "open source" band. Whoever wants to contribute to this group is more than welcome to at any time.

So far Aaron, Ben and I have a couple of new ideas brewing including such titles as "Ryan Durry—Brother-in-Law to Kaps" (a Johnny Cash, down home country ditty), a scathing ballad called "Ohio" and a groove rocker called "Kelly Clarkson is Beautiful" (but that won't be the final title).

This is cool

Episode III Poster
Originally uploaded by darthvedder81.

Here's the final movie poster for "Revenge of the Sith." Pretty dang cool if you ask me. Everything about this movie sounds incredibly cool, be it lava planets and lightsaber fights a plenty, huge ferocious Wookie battles, Star Destroyers, baby Luke and Leia, Darth Vader being pieced together and on and on and on. I don't see how George Lucas can screw this up, and even if he did, this is his movie to screw up—so take that whiney fan-boys!

The full trailer will air during "The O.C." tomarrow (the only reason I can think of for me to ever tune in to that show.) It will then be put online shortly thereafter and will be attached to the Pixar rip-off "Robots" this weekend...

Micah Likes Monkeys

Monkeys
Originally uploaded by darthvedder81.

Well it's finally finished...

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado click here for my very first GarageBand epic:

Micah Likes Monkeys!

It's all about Micah Darling of course, and his love of primates everywhere...

Vital statistics:

Music by: Chris Dugan
Lyrics by: Aaron Cox

Chris Dugan: Rhythm guitar, lead guitar, cowbell, additional vocals

Aaron Cox: Lead vocals, bass guitar

All drums performed by either Apple Computer, Inc. or Ryan Durry depending on who you ask...

The track itself could still use a little "sweetening" i.e., cymbols, level adjustments, etc., but I thought I'd let all you crazy bloggers hear the first mixdown.


Please Note: For some reason on the chorus Aaron sounds like Scott Weiland...

It wasn't Ninja Turtles
It wasn't G.I. Joes
If that's all you've got to play with
Micah will tell you where to go

At the zoo it wasn't a lion
Sparky knows it's no use trying
Hey look! That snake's going to eat a mouse!
But you can find Micah at the primate house

Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!
Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!
Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!
Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!

Organutans, lemurs, chimpanzees
Simian faces is all he sees
Rhesus monkey's hanging by their feet
Having a monkey would sure be neat

He wishes he could be like Kurt Russell
Then he'd be a monkey's uncle
A monkey for a pet would sure be wrong
Instead he'll just play Donkey Kong®

Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!
Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!
Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!
Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!

Monkey Trouble!
Dunston Checks In!
Ed!
Mighty Joe Young!
Any Which Way You Can!
Congo!
King Kong!
Every Which Way But Loose!
Monkey Shines!
Goin' Ape!
The Monkey's Uncle!
Gorilla's in the Mist!

Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!
Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!
Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!
Micah likes monkey's, likes monkeys!

Meet the newest member of my family

Powerbook G4 12"
Originally uploaded by darthvedder81.

No, it's not yet another Dugan cousin it's my new Powerbook G4!

As I've mentioned before I'm a long-time supporter of Apple products. And when I say long-time supporter I mean long-time supporter. I remember eWorld. I remember the Newton. I remember the MacTV. I remember the "dark times" for Apple in the mid-1990's. I've stayed with them through thick and thin, and was probably more of a die-hard Mac addict in 1996 than I am now.

My first Mac was a Power Macintosh 7200/75 that I purchased in May of 1996. It was new (albeit discontinued) and cost me a whopping $999, and that's WITHOUT a keyboard or monitor. It took me another 6 months to scrounge up the cash for a Sony Multiscan Trinitron 15". I used my 7200 for many things: playing Lucasarts games (man those were so great), playing in Photoshop 4, typing school reports in ClarisWorks, and wasting untold hours chatting online with girls that would lead me on but ultimately abandon me. It was a fun and carefree time. I hot rodded that sucker with a 2 gig hard drive, 40 megs of RAM, OS 8.1, and a 256K Cache card but I ended up selling the 7200 to my parents for bookeeping purposes where it's still running strong today!

In April of 2000 came the Powerbook G3/400, and what a mighty machine it was. I've been sold on laptop computing ever since. Some of you may recall me bringing it on our last (thank God) Iowa conference that very year and all of the fun hijinx and Stevie Ray Vaughn DVD watching that insued. This is the computer that I replaced my new G4 with and I've thought about selling it, but it's solid as a rock and can still run natively in OS 9. Besides, how else am I going to play "Sam & Max: Hit the Road"?

My new Powerbook G4 is just a wonderful computer and joy to operate. I love the design and think it's probably the best thing to ever come out of Apple (with the possible exception of the Apple II Plus). I've already had fun in GarageBand and iPhoto and those are included applications! Yes the Powerbook G5 is on the horizon but frankly I was sick of waiting months and months for a 12% speed increase.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to index my hard drive. Bwee.