They Finally Did It

I can't believe this...

The scientists who invented this should be spending more time on my flying car!

Seriously, Dugan...

Forgive me, as I'm a little conflicted now...

As I look on the vast and ever expanding Blog horizon, I see two very distinct categories.

Some blog to share deep personal thoughts, spiritual insight and intellectual stimulation, where the thoughts and ideas they share come from a true and profound place.

Others blog their deep personal thoughts and insights with the hope that people will think their thoughts and ideas come from a true and profound place.

I guess I fall somewhere in the middle, and therein lies the coflict.

Most of what I've blogged about over the last four months are stupid little essays on baseball, John Kerry and chicken sandwiches (the two latter having much in common).
Oh occasionally I'll post something on my "feelings" or other silly things, but for the most part I've stayed with the lighter side of life, not just existing in that space but actually revelling in it.

I guess I could post deep insights, and scriptural references in the hope of making people think of me as some philosophical/apologetic genius, but let's face it folks— I won't convince anybody.
Don't get me wrong, there's certainly nothing wrong with trying to sound smart and quoting scripture, but if your only doing it to show off your "Christian wisdom" in the hopes of impressing others aren't you missing the point of "Christian wisdom" in the first place?

Again, I'm not accusing anyone here I'm just trying to shed light on my dilemma.

Wow, this is kind of a bleak post, so I'll just end in with one of my favorite jokes (which, for those of you that remember, was a huge hit at the 1999 GCM Nebraska Spring Conference).

What's the difference between Iowa and yogurt?


Yogurt has culture!

Narnia is Coming

Hollywood is finally bringing "The Chronicles of Narnia" to the big screen!

For the first installment, "The Lion the Witch, and the Wardrobe", Disney studios are pulling out all the stops, bringing in some of tinsel town's biggest up-and-coming stars!

The role of Peter and Susan Pevensie are to be played by real-life hot couple Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar!

Edmund and Lucy Pevensie will be played by "Malcolm in the Middle" star Frankie Muniz and The Disney Channel's own teen queen Hilary Duff!

The hilarious Ellen Degeneres will portray a "slightly modified" character: Ms. Tumnus the Lesbian Faun..

And starring as the voice of Aslan will be none other than the hilarious Mike Myers, fresh from his towering performance in "The Cat in the Hat."

The film is to be directed by Andrew Adamson the man responsible such diverse films as "Shrek", "Shrek 2", and "The Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party." Expect lots of fart and poop jokes, super cool Matrix-style "bullet time" effects and maybe, just maybe, a delightful cameo from Eddie Murphy! Oh joy!

Not much is known about the specific plot but it has been confirmed that the Pevensie children, rather than escaping from the bombing of World War II London, will be fleeing the L.A. riots...

The visual and special effects will be done by WETA, the people responsible for the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. The enormously talented and household name Andy Serkis will be portaying the role of the super-cute Gollum even though the lovable, friend of children Gollum isn't in "The Chronicles of Narnia" and, in fact is from an entirely different fantasy realm. When Disney executives were asked about this they simply replied: "Our focus groups say they really liked Gollum, and since the Narnia stories are not as widely known as 'Lord of the Rings' we felt Gollum would provide audiences with a character they 'can latch on to."

One things for sure, if C.S. Lewis were alive today he'd be delighted that his beloved children's stories will soon be major multi-million dollar motion pictures, and that his chracters will soon be stamped on plastic lunchboxes and toothbrushes by underpaid and overworked Koreans!

Each of the seven "Narnia" movies will be a whopping 5 1/2 hours long with 12 hour "Extended Edition" DVD's to follow shortly after release...

A good, quality Chicken Salad Sandwich

You know, in my humble opinion, there are few things finer than a good, quality chicken salad sandwich. Chicken salad sandwiches are much better than stinky tuna salad sandwiches and I've never met one that I didn't enjoy, at least on a theoretical level, and today I was able to partake in one of the best...

Ironically from Arby's of all places!

The kicker was that they put apples and walnuts in it. Apples and walnuts make many things good: Waldorf salad for instance. But it's in a good,quality chicken salad sandwich that apples & walnuts truly shine.

I've had many delicious chicken salad sandwiches over the years: Byerly's makes a tasty one, The Sci-Fi cafe' at Disney's MGM Studios makes, what I believe to be the best chicken salad sandwich in the history of the planet (and, surprise, surprise, they put apple's and walnuts in it!). Heck, even SuperAmerica makes a decent one, especially considering it's low cost/high performance ratio.

But I gotta say, Arby's salad sandwich is tops in this state anyway and will compliment any luncheon.

Flavor: ****
Price: ***
Price/Performance Ratio: ***
Will the kids like it?: **
Comfort Rating: ****

Let's hope this isn't true...

Microsoft to buy Nintendo?

If it is true, and Nintendo consoles and games as we know them are done away with, I'll be officially retiring from video gaming.

I'll stick with my SNES Mr. Gates!

You Gotta Love Steven Wright...

Steven Wright Quotes

And So It Ends

Today in the deep recesses of my mind, I heard the sound of "Taps" being played. The sweet melancholy of that sonance, only bringing to conscience a life that might have been, but never was. We'd resigned ourselves long ago, but the child in me still laments...

And with that being said, here's a snippet of dialogue from my upcoming feature:


Although I didn’t realize it at the time, this day was to represent my rebirth as an individual. Rising Phoenix-like from the ashes of my former life, all I could see around me was possibilities. And though to watch us that day one would think we had regressed back to childhood; that our shared trauma had driven us to the mindset of infants. And maybe it had. For what has a child to fear other than the unknown? The boundless possibilities, both benign and malevolent, that stretch out before them is the true source of dread to the young. And for us, it was that most beautiful terror that we now faced. Faced, and accepted with the vigor of the unweaned child suckling at its mothers teat.

~written by Aaron E. Cox

Michael J. Nelson...

...is the funniest man alive! (As if we needed further proof of that fact.)

It's nice to see him get a little political, as he does lean to the right.

If he were a Democrat I probably wouldn't find him nearly as funny.

Speaking of Democrats check this out.

It's just like them isn't it? Insinuating that the National Guard is for pussies, and then talking about our "wonderful and brave" National Guardsmen. Huh? (Michael Moore used this same polemic in his horrendously specious "Farenheit 9/11")

It's this kind of attitude that makes me want to go William Wallace on the DNC.

I mean, hey, if John Kerry wants to shoot the President...

The FUTURE (finally!)

This is pretty slick.

The author of the above article was on the George Noory ("Coast to Coast AM") program last night. Normally I listen to that show when I need a good laugh, as they usually gab about the Mothman or Roswell or Russian miners who dig to hell. On this particular night however they talked about something actually interesting and useful—future technology.

It will be interesting to see if the aural technology discussed on the program will be implemented in the real world any time soon,as it certainly has intriguing potentiality.

They also briefly discussed flying cars, and frankly, it's about damn time.

Prognosticators from the 30's were speculating these things would be implemented by the waning years of the 80's at the latest;yet here we are, nearly into 2005 and nary a flying vehicle in sight!

I want my flying DeLorean with Bose FocusBeam® audio system and I want it now!

Al Gore

Just think, this demoniac was nearly President of the United States!

Despite the attempts of the ignoble and tatty Gore 2000 camp to steal votes, the electoral college worked brilliantly, keeping this fatuous dolt out of the highest office in our land.

Hopefully Depressed

Today started out oddly...

I missed church, but I went to church twice on Friday so I should be okay.

I finally woke up around 12:30 PM feeling strangly depressed. Thinking little of it, I proceed to enjoy a bowl of Kellogg's Smorz' cereal, hoping that it's high sugar/riboflavin content would be sufficent in satiating my melancholy—alas it was not to be.

I can't really explain why I felt that way. I guess there's a lot I don't have, and wish I did and over time that adds up to a person emotionally.

That's not to say I don't have a lot going for me. I drive a good car. The Twins won today. Just yesterday I figured out the riff to "Glorified G". So things have actually been going pretty well...

But I feel flustered. I wish I was smarter. I wish I was taller. I wish I had a girlfriend. I wish I had a degree in philosophy. I wish I owned a home. I wish I had more self-control.

I've asked God for these things, and at the risk of wallowing in my own self-pity I think I deserve all of those things.

But recently I've been learning something:

We all wish we could have certain things that we don't have. We all wish there was something we could do to attain those things, but often there isn't, and that makes you depressed.

Fortunately it dosen't end there...

The one thing we can do, and must do, the one thing that gives us hope, is following Christ.

Our fruitless toils, our aimless pursuits, the things that depress us can be countered by following Christ.

Following and obeying Christ brings hope, and that's all we need.

John Kerry and Guns

"War Hero"

The article is intriguing of course, or maybe not—this kind of flip-flopping is par for the course when it comes to John Kerry.

I'm more bemused by the corresponding photo.

Is it just me or does John "War Hero" Kerry look completely awkward holding that thing.

I've only shot a gun a couple times, and never "saved" anyone in a swift boat, but I'd like to think I could hold a shotgun more convincingly than that. Futhermore, isn't this going to really piss off the anti-gun crowd (the vast majority of which will vote for Kerry)?

And what's with the "Sorry but I can't bring the gun to the debates with me" comment? What the heck is he implying there? He wishes he could bring a gun to a Presidential debate to what-shoot the President? Har har. People go to jail for making those kinds of comments.

It's terrific though...Kerry is looking like more of a complete psycho every day. And we saw what that kind of approach did for Howard Dean.